Yesterday we took the kids to the gym… twice!! In the morning, they played in the kid club while Steph & I worked out. Little Miss did much better this time, although when we went to pick them up, one of the girls working was holding her. She said Little Miss didn’t want to be put down… luckily she’s so petite and light!! The boys did great too – they loved all the little toddler sized furniture. We did make an observation… it’s very clear our kids are not in organized childcare. When we went back to pick them up, it was circle time – one of the girls was doing fingerplay songs and there was a group of about 5 kids sitting in a circle singing along. Granted, most of them were about 2 – but one was def. younger than our trio. Our kids had no concept of sitting down in this organized fashion next to other kids. They were off to the side not even participating, even though they LOVE music & books. (or perhaps the appeal of the toddler sized couch was too captivating for them??) At home, we read books and sing songs all the time – I’m just not very ‘preschool teacher-like’ about it, instead going with a more ‘free play’ type of environment, letting them come to me with their books when they want to read & singing songs at random.
But I wondered for a brief moment if we’re doing our kids a disservice? Should we start practicing more organized things like circle time? Look at how those other kids are sitting there, LEARNING!! Will the other kids in preschool have an edge over our kids when they finally start something like that?? Should we make them watch those silly learn to read videos??
These were my random thoughts over the course of about 4.3 seconds. My occassional parenting struggle between what I feel is expected from society and my own parenting philosophy. But you know, I value free play for kids – the other stuff will come when they’re ready. (that whole unschooling thing is interesting to me too) Isn’t it funny though all the things we think of and comparing our kids to others? I hate doing that but so easy to get caught up in that crap. It’s something I really want to stay away from… while I am a competitive person in general, I completely despise competitive parenting. You know those parents I’m thinking about:
“my 2 year old can read, what is your kid doing? Oh… just eating dirt?? Oh, they only know their ABCs, no words yet?? Hmm… that’s uhm…nice. My toddler can or my kids are doing… (laundry list of things that only the parents of said child(ren) really care about)… what can your kid do???”
I really feel as a society, there’s this newer mentality that our kids have to be super kids by the time they start kindergarten. I don’t care if my kids can read by the time they are 4 or 5… they’ll learn it. ABCs and 123s – yep, they’ll learn those too one day. All I want is for them to have a love of learning – I worry by pushing them at a young age, all that will happen is that they’ll be burned out by the 2nd grade. I think learning should have a more natural and fluid path than what I see in schools today (but I have no desire to homeschool – I think school is important for development; I just hate the whole ‘teaching to pass the state test’ part). I also don’t want them to be over-scheduled… but that’s a WHOLE other blog post!!
Ok, that almost went off in a totally different direction – I’ll save it for another post. The point I was trying to make – my kids are awesome & smart, even if they don’t sit in a circle at the kid club at the gym 
Simple as that.
In the afternoon, we went back to the gym… pool and splash pad time for the whole family!! The kids absolutely LOVE playing in the water. It wasn’t very crowded which enabled them to explore without being knocked over by the older kids. There was also a zero entry pool which is perfect for toddlers – they can enter the water at their own pace. It amazes me how they have no fear of the water. Little fishies. Ok, it doesn’t amaze me – it kinda scares me. That whole drowning thing ranks right up there with choking in my list of things I am most worried about as a new parent. Would be better to have man-to-man coverage in the water vs. our zone coverage with being outnumbered. I think that’s why I prefer the splash pads, or spray-ground… or whatever you call it. Just easier for the kids to play and explore water at this age.
Mine are now getting speech therapy 1x a week at our house. They had their first session last week and the Speech Therapist TRIED to get them all to sit down with her while she did things with them. Two of mine lasted for a while the 3rd wanted nothing to do with it. He had no interest in sitting and listening to her. She made a comment that she can tell they were not in any kind of child care/preschool. Of course I panicked and have been trying to get them to sit and listen while I read or do an activity (not going so well), mine still like to eat the crayons. I really enjoyed your post and it gave me a new light on things and a different way to looking at it. You are right, they will get one day and don't have to be super kids!
I used to feel that way about things too until my oldest started preschool and then i was reassured that no he didn't immediately get the whole "circle time" type of thing but was smart enough to catch on quickly and he was a good listener and quite honestly the most important to me…..he has a good heart and a genuine kindness for all kids not just the so called normal kids…(mine do preschool in a school that's all special ed except for the preschool room) He sticks up for the little guy, makes sure everyone gets turns and follows the rules and has boundless patience for the "dysfunctional" kid from the broken home who won't leave him alone or give him any space
You guys are doing a great job and ya know this time of life goes soooooo fast. They have a lifetime ahead of them full of circle time type of situations!!
I'm so glad you wrote about your little ones not participating in cirlce time! How reassuring for me. We had our munchkins in a music class, and ours refused to stay put in the circle just listening to music. They wandered around the circle, explored the room, danced to their own beat on the side, but absolutely wouldn't do the organized thing. It got me worried as well about how unorganized we've been with the twins and about preschool. You're right that they'll learn what they need to learn at their own pace. I can't force the structure of school and reading at a 2nd grade level on my toddlers even though that seems to be the goal of so many moms!
Circle time isn't so important at this age. They do need to be able to sit still for kindy though or there can be all kinds of issues. Mostly not important issues but my eldest was tramatized by being different in kindy. She hated kindy and cried to come home EVERY DAY. Well every day the first year. Yep she did kindy twice. And for the record I'd also NEVER allow that again. We felt echos of that all the way through High School. I was so young and stupid. Teachers don't always know best. Some times, but not always. (DD#1 is 28 now and she still thinks she's stupid.) She's not.
I think we all get caught up in it.It's funny, with Syd…she was such an over acheiver and I was proud of her and so I talked about her early milestones. I didn't want to compare her or make someone else feel bad…but I was just so excited that she was doing things so early. It also put my mind at ease with all of the scary shit out there like autism. The boys. They can't talk. Kids are singing, counting, talking sentences around them. I felt bad about it for 2 seconds. I still sometimes worry but now I just say…it will come.Same with circle time. I do it at home sometimes and they don't get it. They will in preschool. Hopefully they will learn to talk and pee in the potty too
I guess the thing is that you have to decide what's most important to you. Do you want to raise kids who know how have fun, share with their siblings, play with you, know that they're unconditionally loved, etc. – In short the goals you have for having the kids at home with you. Or do you want them to know how to sit in circle time, raise their hands to go potty, stand in a line to go out and play, etc. Understand, I'm not insulting day care or saying that a child can't both go to day care and be compassionate; I'm saying that you just need to decide what is the most important goal for you for your kids. This summer my son went to 4 weeks of day camp from 9-12 as his first ever organized activity (at age 5). And it was hard for him. He didn't want to sit when the other kids sat. He didn't necessarily want to dance when the other kids danced. But the teachers were very understanding and he adjusted very well. By the end he had learned how to sort of skirt the line of following the class rules but still having some independence.
I like spray-ground! Never heard that one, we say squirt park. haha So many different names. And I agree I hate competitive parents, so annoying!
Ella will not sit still, so we now go to tumbling class instead of Kindermusic. I do sometimes get nervous that she'll be ADHD or won't have enough socialization because I stay at home with her, but that will come in time. One thing I constantly have to remember is that she's only two- she looks and claims to be such a big girl, but there's still a lot of baby in her. We realized, like you, that if we push too hard, it's going to backfire and she'll hate us. She'll give up her bottle when she's able. She'll learn proper grammar when she's older. For now we're just grateful she can drink on her own and that she can speak. Your Trio is doing fantastically well- and I'm glad you're able to enjoy it!!
Today I went to a toddler play group for the first time because I do think socialization is important, but I also feel being a stay-at-home mom is important. Your are acheiving that balance with the kids club at the gym though.My kids didn't participate in circle time at all. The leader of the program told me that it's okay- they don't need to and they will join in when they want to. I really liked that. One of the reasons I went back to work on Fridays was to make some money to put the kids into a socialization situation at least once a week- to follow rules that are not mommy's, to be in a situation that is not 100% familiar- and to realize that even if I'm not there, they are safe. Today we added the toddler play group because I do want them to have some socialization and, let's face it- I need some too. I know two people with kids. Two. I can talk to two moms about their situations and ask them for real life advice. That is it. All my other friends are not on the kid path. And this toddler play group is going to allow me an hour of mommy to mommy time I desperately need.
Just watched 'Parenthood' and your post totally made me laugh!
I have been wondering what the boys would be like once they are in a more "structured" environment. I plan to be home with them until they are nine months and then my mom is going to come over to watch them when I go back to work. At least they wont be the only ones not sitting in a circle!
Your posts always crack me up. I love the eating dirt reference. Seriously, I think we can all relate to how you feel.